Mouth shut
by starlett-03-04
Summary: Lily and James with a twist i am going to try to make each chapter a song fic in one way or another. this one is done i became bored and ended it fast sorry i will beging writing another one when i get my laptop back.
1. Mouth Shut

Gryffindor had just won their first game of the year and were have their annual party. This year they had decided to have a party. The band was late and Lily decided that it was time she said she wanted to sing a song. And everyone cheered.

Lily walked onto the stage a tear on her face. She was happy James thought why is she crying. If he only knew why she was upset they had been going out for a year and last night had been there first time. Lily was hurting on the inside and she knew James would never forgive her but she couldn't get any more serious then they already were she was fifteen and she had lost her virginity last night, to the only person she had wanted to loose it to. That was all she would have left was the memory of him inside her. But it was time to stop, stop dreaming, and stop everything. She wanted him but she knew it was not possible. They were never meant to be together she was betrothed another man and James wasn't him. It was the deal she made she could come to school here if she married Ian. She didn't love Ian but what is done is done.

Lily slowly stepped behind the microphone and said I dedicate this to James the almost love of my life. James though he clearly misunderstood she said to James the love of my life right?

I kept my mouth shut from the start  
I guess I left you in the dark  
You thought you knew me but you don't  
You say you'll love me but you wont  
When you find out who I am

I kept my mouth shut for too long  
All this time you got me wrong   
Now we're in this way too far  
I'm about to break your heart   
Tear everything we had apart

'Cause I'm feeling lost   
When I'm in your arms  
The reasons are gone  
For why I was holding on to you  
I tried so hard  
To be the one  
I don't like who I've become

Won't keep my mouth shut anymore  
I've had my share of closing doors  
Now I know I'm not afraid  
I know exactly what you'll say  
But I'm sorry it's too late

'Cause I'm feeling lost  
When I'm in your arms  
The reasons are gone   
For why I was holding on to you  
I tried so hard  
To be the one  
I don't like who I've become

Yeah yeah, yeah yeah  
(I kept inside of me for all this time)  
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah   
(Thought that I could make it work if I just tried)  
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah  
(But I'm sorry to admit that I have lived a lie)

'Cause I'm feeling lost  
When I'm in your arms  
The reasons are gone  
For why I was holding on to you  
I tried so hard  
To be the one  
I don't like who I've become

I kept my mouth shut for too long  
Now I know that it was wrong

I wish I told you from the start  
That this was never meant to last   
We should've never gone this far

Won't keep my mouth shut anymore

Another tear escaped her and she walked with her head high straight to her bedroom crawled into bed put a silence charm on the bed and cried herself to sleep.

James was in a state of shock Lily Evans his best friend his girlfriend his first had just broken up with him in front of the whole common room he was embarrassed. Why did she do it in front of every one? This wasn't Lily but maybe he didn't really know her as well as he thought he had didn't her song say she was fake with him. He was confused he thought they were happy he thought he was going to marry her and have children. Maybe he was just getting ahead of him self after all he was only fifteen. James walked up to his room and got out his hidden supply of fire whiskey and dank until he was numb. Then he did something incredibly stupid he cam downstairs and went up the girls stairs. And started to scream "Lily please give me another chance I love you." He screamed until he passed out and that was how they began to hate each other with a passion. She had made him make an ass of himself. And he had begun the question game.


	2. Ushed Tears

Lily had awoken the next morning feeling as if, she had been hit by a truck. She had cried herself to sleep and missed James she wanted him to hold her she wanted to scream she didn't mean it but she knew that would cause more pain in the end. She knew the only way to end it was to nip it in the bud. She felt she had to do it before it became too serious. She had done what was right. She got out of bed all the girls were glairing they couldn't believe that she had done that to James Potter the man that was madly in love with her. She went into the bathroom she looked like hell she picked up her wand and did some simple glamour, nothing too much just enough to hide the hurt in her eyes. She put on her clothes every moment making her want to get back into bed curl up in a ball and die.

James awoke the next morning outside the girl's dorms at the top of the stairs he couldn't figure out how he had gotten up them. On his best day he couldn't but last night he was drunk. He didn't remember much but he knew lily had crushed him with a simple song. He sat there thinking she had to come out sometime. He was still willing to forgive her but he didn't know if she really wanted him. She told him all the things he wanted to hear just to crush him. It didn't make since.

The door opened and there she was she was radiating with beauty. She looked better then ever she looked happy. She looked confident, like she was better without him. She didn't even give him a second glance. She walked by with the attitude that she was better than everyone else. That was the biggest blow by far she acted like nothing between them had never happened.

"Hey Lily" James cried.

" I thought I made it apparent that I don't want to speak to you" lily said annoyed she couldn't handle this not right now she was barely together as it was but James adding to her misery was the worse.

" I just wanted to say I still love you and always will." James was trying not to burst out in tears.

" I have no earthly idea as to what you are talking about." She turned and walked away. Without a second glance head held high knowing that it was the only way to keep from tears.

Please review I really don't know where this is going my stories write without a plot. So tell me if its good more songs to come. I just have to figure out when. I don't own anything except plot Jo is lord and master aside to foamy. Song from chapter one was by The Veronicas called Mouth Shut. Sorry so short I will try to update soon.


	3. Trouble

Lily walked down the corridor knowing any minute her self-confidence was about to end she had only a month left of this year. She hoped that summer would be enough time for things to cool over with everyone. Everyone at this point hated her the status she had earned with the marauders had disparated into thin air the only one that was remotely talking to her was Peter but she never had the nerve to trust him. She knew he was a coward at heart and had always fancied her but was to shy to do anything about it. James always told her she was hallucinating, that he couldn't hurt a fly. Besides Lily had no time this summer for boys she had tons of gigs with her band. Thinking about all that she had a band rehearsal in ten minutes. That's when James Potter saw Lily start sprinting down the hall. He quickly ran after her he had to see what she was up to.

They came up to a carpet on the wall lily tapped on it with her wand saying "music is my life" the carpet turned into a door and she walked through James following quietly behind.

"Lily where in hell have you been? We have been here for a hour, waiting for your sorry ass to start this rehearsal." Solaria, said obviously upset

"Lay off Solaria, she broke up with James last night can't you see she's upset" said John seeing the pain in Lily's eyes.

She couldn't never fool him no matter what she tried she couldn't lie to him.

"Shut up bitches I have a new song." Lily handed the sheets of music to her band members, which consisted of Solaria, John, Sammy, and Cameron.

Solaria looked over the music and said " For fucks sake Lil's you still love him, you better get over that quick and start loving Ian your betrothed."

"Shut the fuck up lets sing." Lily snapped

_Ah yes  
I remember too well  
How hard  
I tried avoiding your spell  
It was a cold October night  
It was a far from sober night  
And I was taken at first sight  
And this was much to your delight _

I'd heard  
That you were looking for prey  
Hungry for a different girl everyday  
But you were so sly in coming in  
I wouldn't fight, I let you win.  
All of the blood upon your chin  
Told me exactly where you'd been  
Trouble Trouble  
Troublemaker

Who would have thought I'd ever let somebody get to me  
Who would have thought I'd ever give a damn  
I gave to you the one thing that I can never retrieve  
And I am leaving my heart bleeding in my hands

You told me all about your dreams  
You were so deep,  
Or so it seemed  
Although I'm young, I'm not naive  
I am not easy to deceive

I see the danger that lies beyond your eyes  
And I wanna scream when you're rubbing on my thighs  
I know I should but I can't say no, I won't.  
Troublemaker, gotta let you go, ooh  
Trouble trouble  
Troublemaker

Who would thought I'd ever let somebody get to me  
Who would a thought I'd ever give a damn  
I gave to you the one thing that I can never retrieve  
And you're leaving my heart bleeding in my hands

I thought I knew you well  
I thought you'd catch me if I fell  
But when I fell you never came  
That's when I knew this was a game

I thought, Because I knew that I'd won  
But honey, that's easier said than done  
Cuz I lose my breath when you're kissin' on my neck  
Boy you've got me in check, but I haven't lost yet  
Trouble Trouble  
Trouble maker  
Don't you bring it round here  
Trouble

James sat in shock she still loved him the song said it all she wanted him but thought she couldn't have both. James smiled to him self and snuck out of the room.

Hey thanks for the reviews I'm starting to figure out where this is going I have ideas yeah I don't own anything except my characters and Jo is the almighty. Song is Trouble by Bonnie McKee. Read and review. Sorry so short chapters will get longer promise.


	4. slut behavior

I own nothing blah blah blah except plot etc

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A month had gone by and lily was going crazy she missed James with every fiber of her being. She wanted to run and explain and tell him she was sorry. She wanted him to look at her like he used to she wanted his eyes to light up when she stepped into the room. But she could never tell him that she wanted him to hold her kiss her make love once again to her. She had to keep playing like she hated him, had to be strong, had to say no. It was she had to admit getting easier over time he had spilled ink in her hair in transfiguration. Saying oh you always said you wanted darker hair or something equally lame. It was she had to admit driving lily crazy but she knew that he was truly hurt. Two days after she had broke up with him he started dating other girls like crazy saying that they weren't as easy as lily. But lily knew that he had took their first time to heart and she knew she would never be able to push it aside as he seemed to do.

Lily was getting tired of his pranks and knew the only way to stop it she had to seem like she was hurt over the break up. She began to work yet again on another song to explain why she had done it without being truthful. She had another party to sing at Ravenclaw but she had to be sure he would be there he had to hear this. She knew it would get under his skin. So she talked to a prefect who was infatuated with her named Weston. She knew she had him wrapped around her finger but what would the price be that he would allow her to do this sex seemed the simplest answer and she didn't care anymore about that factor of her life. Without James sex would never be special without James sex was as easy as selling her soul. She made this right in her mind because it was for James, the only one she would ever love.

The night of the gig came and lily became nervous she knew her song wasn't very good but it would have to work, she would have to sing it like she meant it like it was the only thing that mattered at this point. She went onto the stage and began to sing other songs the ones that didn't mean anything the ones that weren't important. She had to save one more song the one that could end her popularity with one swift swoop. Then he walked into the room it was like someone had punched her in the stomach there with him stood Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew. What were they doing here it was only supposed to be him he saw her on stage and posted his fake smile with the wave. She was furious; she was going to kill Weston. She had to do the song now because at 11:00 she had to secure her end of the deal.

"This one is for all you who have ever had a rough breakup." Some of the girls began to giggle, james looked up into her eyes and saw all the hurt that lived in them he could see her pain he imeadatly felt guilty that's when she began to sing.

_Hold your head up high_

_You're never wrong_

_Somewhere in the right you belong_

_You would rather fight the walk away_

_What a lonely way to breathe the air_

_What unlovely way to say you care_

_Now we're too far gone for me to say_

_And I never thought that we'd come to this_

_Baby there's beauty in goodbye _

_(Now you turn around, you would rather fight, then walk away)_

_There just no reason left to try_

_(now is gone too far, look at where we are)_

_You push me away_

_Another black day_

_I count up the reasons to cry_

_Look what you've missed, living like this_

_Nobody wins (nobody wins)_

_Searching for the truth in your eyes_

_Found myself so lost to recognize_

_The person now that you, you claim to be_

_Don't know when to stop, where to start _

_You're just so caught up to who you are_

_Now you're far too high for me to see_

_And I'd never thought that we'd come to this_

_Baby there's beauty in goodbye _

_(Now you turn around, you would rather fight, then walk away)_

_There just no reason left to try_

_(now is gone too far, look at where we are)_

_You push me away_

_Another black day_

_I count up the reasons to cry_

_Look what you missed, living like this_

_Nobody wins (nobody wins)_

_You never say you're sorry_

_Try to tell me that you love me_

_But don't its too late to take it bad_

_Baby there's beauty in goodbye _

_(Now you turn around, you would rather fight, then walk away)_

_There just no reason left to try_

_(now is gone too far, look at where we are)_

_You push me away_

_Another black day_

_I count up the reasons to cry_

_Look what you missed, living like this_

_Nobody wins (nobody wins)_

_(Now is gone too far, look at where we are)_

_Nobody wins_

She walked off stage and found herself in Weston's arms heading upstairs too his bedroom.

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**please r&r sorry it took so long to update i will try to have another chapter up by sunday. 


	5. one night stands

Lily went up to Weston's room willingly if James saw the hurt in her eyes he would surely come, wouldn't he? He would hold her in his arms and tell her how much he loved her. She had to stop thinking of how it could have been because it would never be she was Ian's no matter what. If only her parents hadn't have pressured her into this marriage. They didn't care about lily's happiness they only cared for money, her parents were loosing money fast and it was lily's obligation to fix it seeing as she had broke it in the first place.

_Flashback:_

_Lily woke up feeling like a normal 14 year old girl. She was carefree not a worry in the world. She was happy, for the first time in her life she had someone to live for Jeff, little did she know he was a freak he cared nothing for her he just wanted to get laid. She was supposed to go out on a date with him that night they were going to see a movie and have some popcorn. Little did she know when she go into his car that he had other plans he took her to his house and said he was taking what was rightfully his. Her virginity she refused she was fourteen and nowhere near ready for that kind of responsibility. She was just a kid but she played along knowing she could get out of this. She said let me freshen up. And went into the bathroom and locked the door, she pilled her wand out of her bag and formulated her plan._

"Lily… Lily are you okay you just got really white." Weston looked generally concerned.

"Yeah I'm fine lets get on with this." A tear fell down her cheek, she knew that this was what she had to do in order to move on and help James move on. She knew it was for the best even though she never wanted to hurt him. Then out of nowhere someone stared to pound on the door screaming.

"Lily please don't do this I love you please." James was furious she could tell just by his tone she knew Weston would be dead if she didn't leave this room with James right now James stared to kick the door.

"Lily open this fucking door or I am going to brake it down! I need you."

Weston looked over at her and smiled. "So you didn't tell me the whole truth go to him."

"You mean you're not mad?" Lily went to Weston and kissed him on the cheek and went and opened the door.

James came barreling in and saw Weston sitting on the bed "I am going to fucking kill you she's mine." He ran towards Weston hands outstretched.

'"JAMES!' Lily screamed 'your drunk now stop making a fool of yourself and we will go to your room.'"

James turned and faced her you mean it we will go to my room, lily smiled and said yes. Was this wrong she thought to herself, he most likely wouldn't remember it in the morning so what was the harm?

She took James by the hand and asked if he had his invisibility cloak he smile the famous James Potter smile and said of course. She grabbed it from his bag and threw it over the both of them; she couldn't let the rest of the maurders see her leaving with him this night was for him. This was all she felt she had left to give him she was leaving Hogwarts next year even though it was only fifth year she had to exist in the real world. She had to seem normal to Ian. By graduating from a muggle school.

James and Lily went into his room she climbed into bed with him and put a silencing charm on the bed. She began to kiss him letting all the love she had for him shine through he kissed her back like there was no tomorrow then lily passed out. James wasn't drunk his lips were laced with a sleeping draft and his mouth smelt of firewhiskey he didn't believe in what he was doing but he was protecting her the only way he knew how her parents were killed two hours earlier and she was left with nothing she had no family no money etc… Dumbledore told James to keep an eye on her tonight. Lily didn't even know yet and Dumbledore wasn't ready to tell her they were gone until she had a place to live secured to live. This was the only way.

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**_this is just a filler sorry it took so long my computer crashed and i lost everything i will try to finish this in the next two weeks read and reveiw please_**


	6. tears and confessions

Lily awoke the next morning very close to something pleasantly warm she groggily opened her eyes to find an arm placed around her protectively. Great she thought I slept in how in the hell am I to get out of this she made to sit up when she heard James say "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Your up and I am leaving lily sat up suddenly feeling nauseous immediately throwing up on the floor next to James bed

"Dammit Lily I told you not to do that." James said in a frustrated voice her put on his glasses and grabbed his wand ands practicality shouted "scourgify"

"JAMES HAROLD POTTER WHAT IN THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME LAST NIGHT?" lily looked over at him with hurt in her eyes, then it came back to her like she was punched in the stomach. She had been kissing him when she passed out. "You weren't drunk," she said in barely a whisper. "You tricked me."

"Lily please understand I have my reasons I am afraid I have bad news for you my dear. Your parents…umm…their…umm. Well lily I really don't know how to tell you this…"

"Oh my god James no this no why, why me." lily started to sob uncontrollably and smothered her face into James chest. Then looked up at James and smiled, her eyes were cold and remote, "they're better off dead." James was in complete shock. This wasn't the Lily he knew; he didn't understand normally she loved. How could a person hate their parents so much? She looked at the confusion in his eyes and felt the need to explain she didn't intend to horrify him.

"James. Do you want to know the real reason I broke up with you?" Lily stated very simply.

"Sure…" James replied wary of her explanation.

"It's a long story so get ready and I want no interruptions understand?" Lily had an annoyed look on he face

"Yes." James stated, "My lips are zipped."

I guess when you tell a story like this you start from the beginning so that's what I'll do. I remember the day I got my letter from Hogwarts; it was the happiest day of my life. Not because of the fact that I was a witch, I hated my life up until that point. I was dreadfully bored, and now you are thinking how could that be possible you had the life fit for a queen. Well that wasn't true you see I grew up in a family of old money, we were filthy rich some said we had more money than god. My days were planed, get up run four miles, shower, eat with the family, get tutored in Latin, English, Math, lunch, dress fittings yoga for an hour, read for two hours, Dinner party, bed. That was it my days were so routine that I could tell you if I was or wasn't available for lunch on Thursday three months away. There were no surprises. And I was bored I hated my family, the friends I was stuck with my tutors. Then I got my letter and I saw it as my chance to escape my chance for freedom life without rules and limits, life that I would be able to run outside barefoot. Walk on the beech, live. And I took my chance, and my parents let me. I was still at the age where it wasn't noticed if I was at a party or not. Then the summer before fourth year it all went to hell I met him Jason was his name and I was infatuated with him. He was all I thought about, he was all that mattered. Well he tried to rape me and I didn't stand for that I used magic outside of school and he said I was Looney and that he would tell all of our family friends, and we would loose everything. When I got home my father was furious and asked why I didn't just sleep with him. He has been blackmailing our family ever since and has taken our fortune. That was the day I began to hate them really hate them but they made a deal with me that summer. The only way I could go back to Hogwarts was to marry Ian. Well lets just say Ian has never been that gentle with me almost every time I see him he abuses me in one way or the other. I hate him, and everything he stands for he hates me to. He in fact is in love with his first girlfriend Jessica. Well I was tired of hitting me summer of fifth year. So I showed him I could be loving and gentle I tried really tried but he still hates me. And I still had to marry him, what could I do. I let you the only person I ever loved take something that was rightfully yours, and then broke your heart. That makes me an awful person. But I couldn't let Ian have that from me; I would rather be some cheap whore than his virgin. I had to end it with you because of this promise this stupid promise that I made to them. But now they're dead so I have no reason to go on with this charade. I love you James please don't give up on me." Lily started to cry really cry for the first time in months she cried for happiness, sorrow, and love. And James sat and held her. He swore to himself that day that he was going to make this girl happy he would marry her.

Lily sat up and too her relief the nausea was gone she made to get out of bed. James grabbed her arm; she looked and smiled at him "I have a funeral to go to and an engagement to break." She walked down the stairs from the boy's dorms. And to her own, she may be breaking one promise but she had to keep one. In her parent's last will and testament it stated everything belonged to her as long as she sang at the funeral. That she would do for them, but it would be her own song, one that she wrote when she was only twelve years old.

-:-

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A week later and lily was standing over her parents grave the ones she hated so much, with her fake tears to keep up appearances of the fact they were the "perfect family." Lily went behind the keyboard ready to sing. This was the last thing she would ever do for them. Little did her family's friends know this song was about her childhood and them never being there. They had hurt her completely, wounded her soul. Her father hated her, her mother hated her, and the worst of it she was always alone. Which made her less scared of her future; she had James that's all that mattered. So with the fake tears flowing she began to play.

_I waited for you today_

_But you didn't show_

_No, no I need you today_

_So where did you go_

_You told me to call_

_You said you be there_

_And though I haven't seen you_

_Are you still there?_

_I cried out with no reply_

_And I can't feel you_

_By my side_

_So I hold tight to what I know_

_You're here and I'm never alone_

_And though I cannot see you_

_I can't explain why_

_Such a deep, deep reassurance_

_You placed in my life_

_We cannot separate_

_Cause your part of me_

_And though you're invisible_

_I trust the unseen_

_I cried out with no reply_

_And I can't feel you_

_By my side_

_So I hold tight to what I know_

_You're here and I'm never alone_

_We cannot separate_

_Cause your part of me_

_And though you're invisible_

_I trust the unseen_

_I cried out with no reply_

_And I can't feel you_

_By my side_

_So I hold tight to what I know_

_You're here and I'm never alone_

She ended her song the others around her crying she walked to the grave and threw a lily on top of both caskets then it began to rain. Lily looked up towards the sky smiling, knowing fully she had finally done something right. For once in her life she didn't screw it up. She walked over to Ian and hugged him saying "go and get Jessica, were done I have no wish to marry you I'm sorry." He looked her in the eyes and smiled "I'm sorry for ever hitting you, your just so god damn stubborn." Lily smiled and walked away she didn't know where she was going but the rain felt so good. She smiled to herself ready to face the world.

She heard someone call her name she turned around to face James.

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**to be continued I will update soon thanks for the reviews love all the fans the song is never alone by Barlow girls hoped you enjoyed. Xoxox**

Star


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